Money: Yours, Mine or Ours?

My husband’s money is ours; what I make is mine! When a man and woman are deep in love, they do not usually sit down and discuss how they handle money. However, when that relationship progresses towards something more permanent, this particular subject of money can either make or break their connection. It is very hard to discard habits of big spending or frugality, no matter how much love there is between a couple.

Unexpected illness, disability, cultural expectations and other situations complicate money issues. Aging parents, siblings that need help, funerals, college tuition, weddings and other celebrations come up many times before you are prepared for them. It is important that a couple is on the same page when it comes to dealing with expensive events and circumstances.

Many times a husband will blame his wife for her lack of control when the money situation gets out of hand. The wife may blame the husband for not providing enough to suit her lifestyle. This ping-pong game usually happens when there is no mutual planning going on.

Children can be deeply affected by disagreements between their parents. It is important to work out these problems in a mature manner in a private place. If the children are old enough to work, they can be included in the planning after the husband and wife decide upon a budget. Then it is wise to reassess your financial situation every so often to see how things are going.

A husband, who is used to being the main breadwinner in the family, may suddenly find that he is unable to continue. This is a very difficult time when expectations need to be readjusted. Sometimes a woman may make a bigger income than her husband and this could result in his feeling inadequate. All of these issues need to be addressed quickly.

Money anxieties can ultimately wear down a marriage as it ages. Some just give up and go it alone. To avoid this sadness, couples that are just getting married would do well to live below their means until they get a grasp on their financial necessities. Taking large loans while living an extravagant lifestyle can lead to disaster.

Different approaches to money can be the source of many arguments in marriage. If it is a subject that surfaces often, it should be addressed in a calm and constructive way. It requires stepping back from where you are, putting out the heat of emotion and working together to save your marriage.